No, really. Christmas is hazardous to your health. Look at the evidence:

Every December hundreds of people get injured by falling off the roof while installing lights, or burn their houses down doing ill-advised things with electricity.

Americans, already the fattest people on the planet, consume umpteen gazillion tons of cookies, cakes, candy, and other treats in order to celebrate our god-given right to profligacy and excess, thereby becoming even fatter and slothier than we were the year before. Thank you, Jesus.

In addition to the unwholesome consumption of sweets that we require of them, we further damage our children by loading them up with electronic babysitters that cause them to spend untold hours of their lives parked on their asses while their brains leak out their ears.

The outrageous level of Christmas hype is carefully constructed by corporate conglomerates to convince us that our lives suck. Who could live up to the Norman Rockwell pictures of familial bliss that bombard us from all sides? We scramble for months to make our family’s Christmas perfect, just like it is on TV. If it isn’t quite right (and it never is) we try to fix it by buying ever more decorations, bigger, more expensive gifts, and richer, more lavish platters of cookies, cakes and candy. Who benefits from this, do you think?

People get depressed at Christmas time. The stress of unrealistic holiday expectations weighs on us and magnifies the small frustrations of daily living. No one is immune. Look around at our fellow bloggers: ordinarybutloud is having a hard time, michaelsean’s looking to relocate, Jay, having discovered his inner chick, wants to be the next Erma Bombeck, sportsgoddesswishes she didn’t have to buy the obligatory gifts for acquired relatives, Tiffany is struggling to bloom where she’s been planted even though she hates the damn place. Who is happy at this time of year? No one. Well, this year my pal gungaboy is happy, but only because he’s got a new sweetums and is in full swoon.

Oddly enough, I think the people who get through this season unscathed are the very religious Christians, because they spend their time doing religious Christian stuff regarding the birth of their Savior instead of scouring the Walmart bins for deals on presents for the in-laws. Maybe the rest of us should just stay out of it.


30 thoughts on “

  1. you know, i was having a very pleasant holiday season until i got that obnoxious gift yesterday.  fear not — no obligation gift coming in return.  next week, i’ll be spending party time with good friends, coffee time with good friends, caroling at a nursing home, and more shopping for the people i love.  this was a blip on the radar and something to blog about . . . i’ll do a happy christmas story tomorrow.

  2. re:  “I Shall Dress You In Mourning,” it is a poem about the coming of the night. 
    i certainly agree about the commercialization of Christmas.  we seem to have forgotten the true and simple meaning of Christmas.  it’s really just about a baby who was born to save our sorry souls…  i am disgusted by all the hype.

  3. I dunno…I really like Christmas.  But then again, I don’t let myself have an extensive gift list, and during the holidays I avoid my family as much as I can, without being a jerk.  It always feels like my family wants to force Christmas out of us, and I feel much more “Christmas-y” when eveyone just relaxes.
    If everyone could maybe just remember the point behind all the festivities, then things might go a bit more smoothly.
    And I totally agree with your 4th (3rd?) paragraph, about too much TV (I presume?).  I wrote a speech on the matter, lol.
    Sorry for writing a novel in your comments.  🙂

  4. interestingly enough, Christmas seems to be a celebration waning in significance in my family. we haven’t even gotten a christmas tree yet. and we won’t be buying any gifts either. however for us, i think it is because Christmas has previously been inextricably associated with certain factors and these factors simply no longer exist for whatever reason. its kinda sad, but then again, we just had Thanksgiving which, for us, is pretty much the same thing, only its colder during Christmas and we have a tree, and exchange gifts. Peace.

  5. Oh, don’t get me started. Really, really…don’t get me started. It’s funny, I was just wondering today why I think we should have a big, happy, family gathering involving all the extended family members. What gave me the idea that such a thing is the norm? T.V., of course. T.V. Christmases are always so great, aren’t they? Even the Griswald Christmas had its own happy-go-lucky charm. No REAL problems, between the family members. Beautiful decorations. Perfect dinners. Lovely, fashion conscious hostesses. I was thinking today I should free myself from all Christmas expectations.Ouch, look at that, I got myself started.Is it so obvious, really, that I’m having a hard time?????? And you don’t have to tell me if the answer is “yes.”

  6. Actually I’m also an English major and I plan on going to Law school. Philosophy is one of the best majors to be in in preparation for Law school since it teaches you reasoning skills. Peace.

  7. I completely agree. This time of the year depresses me because of all the pressure and stress, the greed and the ignoring of the need. It breaks my heart to see how much pressure people are put under this time of year and they do not have the means to life up to the expectations of what is suppose to be Christmas. I hate this time of year.

  8. The hardest part is the stress of this time of year is usually enough to push a lot of people over the edge that they teeter on the rest of the year. I was wondering the other day, why do non-Christians celebrate Christmas?

  9. I’m having a swell (Soooo not religious) time. I’m decorating  a bit for ‘winter’ and buying gifts for people I adore. What could be more fun? January will suck, however (all cold and gloomy grey). That’s why one must start a new project/hobby in January. I have chosen photography as mine, this year. Also, if someone gives you sweets at this time of year… you must re-gift! It’s the only way to still fit into your clothes come February. Happy Winter!!!

  10. I’m in a good mood, more or less, because I love to sing holiday songs (even though most people do not want to hear me sing holiday songs.)  Now, granted that starting the holiday music program around Halloween is kind of annoying, but once December hits, let ‘er rip!
    Seriously though, all the adults in my family decided to 86 gift giving, and just give stuff to the kids.  For one thing, we won’t go into debt (much) and for another, no more weird gifts that we want to regift, but cannot remember who gave us the hideous vase so we cannot regift.
    And, one last thing.  No decorations at our house are higher than the first floor.  Therefore, there is no chance whatsoever of falling off of the roof.  (Of course, given that I have a fear of heights, I wouldn’t be up there in the first place, so if someone fell off of the roof, it wouldn’t be me, but with a bit of bad luck, the person falling off of the roof would probably land on me.)  Oh well…

  11. At this point in life, I am amused by the stupidity of those who actually think that they can change my opinions by threatening an eternal damnation which I have just said that I do not believe in! *chuckles* some people never learn.My dad wants me to stop reading Rand; he thinks it’s interfering with my schoolwork. I refused. That is the sum total of my teenage rebellion. Kind of sad, isn’t it?

  12. we can’t leave all the fun to those religious types now can we…it doesn’t even have to be christmas this month…any reason to have people around you or throw a party of some sort…or hell, simply to make your favorite dinner to eat all by yourself.

  13. I think the important thing about surviving the Holidays is to remember moderation and balance.
    Go ahead and have some baked Christmas goodies; but don’t eat the whole damn plate. Burn off some of the calories by building a snowman and making snow angels.
    Electronic toys are getting better. I got my girls a snowboarding video game. They have to actually stand on the snowboard and move their bodies on it to get the game to work!
    Decorating the outside of your house is nice. But good god people! You don’t HAVE to light up the whole damn neighborhood! Geez, I swear, it looks like some folks are trying to make sure their house can been seen from outer space with how many lights they put up!
    Maybe the thing that stresses folks out the most this time of year is setting unrealistic goals for themselves. Feeling like they HAVE to have the best lazer light show display outside the house. Or feeling like they HAVE to pick out the “perfect” gift for everyone on their list. You don’t have to. You really don’t.
    Oh man, sorry if I got a little preachy. Bottom line: life is not perfect and you have to “go with the flow”. We know that all the rest of the year; so you have to remember the Holiday season is full of unexpected things and things not going as planned just like the rest of the year is.

  14. **sigh** amen to the last paragraph and how on earth did you peg me so well and completely???  Hahahahahahahaha!  I haven’t bought one damn thing yet.  I’m in trouble.  And my cards will be going out before New Years.  Hahahahaa

  15. IR: I gave the birds and the bees book to a friend or else I could tell you the author right now.  It’s part of the “God’s Design for Sex” series.  The book I referred to is geared toward 5 to 8 yr olds (but quite detailed, for that age, if you ask me).  Try the Christian bookstore (or Amazon).  Actually, I’ll go check Amazon. 
    It was written by a homeschool mom, based on questions her own kids had brought up.  And as a total aside, she looks like the steriotype of a homeschool mom– frizzy, parted hair and coke bottle glasses. . .not like the hipster homeschooler that I [wish I was] am.

  16. Please go read my Xanga site and OneDarkKnight, there at both places, you will see just what Christmas means to this not-so-Christian Man.  Read my new December posting on Star_Gone_Nova, and read my old one dated around 12-26-2003.  Be prepared to get a restatement on OneDarkKnight of just what Yuletide means to me.  I agree with what midnight1492 said, too. 

  17. RYC: I did get your email about the ebook. I thought I sent a reply, but I apologize if I didnt. My email is in flux right now (meaning its too early for me to go downstairs and get my laptop) so I thought I’d leave you a comment instead.

  18. As a Jewish woman, there are times that I feel other Jews are trying to make Chanukkah into the Jewish version of Christmas.  I have already explained to BigBoy that he is not getting costly presents for Chanukkah because it is not our major holiday of the year.  We will have to get him that Gameboy Advance that plays DVD movies for another occasion. 
    As far as holiday stress is concerned, I get very stressed before Passover with all that cleaning.  I used to be orthodox, and I took that very seriously.  I also get stressed before the high holy days thinking about the Book of Life opening up in Heaven.  Yes, I am being honest here!  Don’t make fun of me, please!!!

  19. How about the people who die by stampede of anxious mothers determined to get to the only remainging Tickle Me Elmo left at Toys ‘R Us, or those whose unfortunate demise is caused by suicude committed over dissapointment in their holiday gifts on Christmas morning. Oh, and let’s not forget those brutally murdered by the infamous killer who comes down the chimmney and washes the blood off his beard with a glass of milk.

  20. I do not celebrate christmas but I feel the same way about our festivals. They are only about eating, shopping and exchanging gifts. Everybody is stressed and finaly says ‘ Thank god , it is over’.

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