CHRISTMAS IN MAY

As some of you may know, when I’m not busy blogging or begging foundations for general operating support in non-profit-land, I write for magazines. Y’all may think it’s spring, but in magazine-world, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Here’s the assignment: a round-up review piece of five or so sexuality/sensuality themed non-fiction books suitable for Christmas gifts. They can be serious works or smutty fun, but they have to be non-fiction for a complicated reason I won’t go into. They should also be of recent vintage (published this year).

So, what say you, my well-read Xangan friends? What book would you like to find in your stocking? What would you like to give to your sweetheart? What would you like to anonymously slip into the mailbox of an attractive co-worker?

While I’m asking for advice, here’s another question. I’ve been trying to jump-start my sleep-dazed daughters in the morning by turning on some “wake up music.” My current choice is “Crocodile Rock.” (Sing along, you know you want to: “I remember when rock was young/me and Suzy had so much fun/holding hands and skimming stones/had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own…” makes you want to dance right out of bed, doesn’t it?)

Other songs? What gets your blood moving in the morning? Remember, they are children so I can’t just pour coffee down their throats, even if that’s what works for me. Also, unlike the books for the Christmas article, the songs have to be clean, or at least only opaquely smutty.

Winning suggestions will be met with gratitude and public acclaim. Others will be duly ignored. Art imitates life, dude.

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17 thoughts on “

  1. I loved all the Grease tunes….made me want to jump up and dance (or jump Travolta but….lol)
    Smutty books? not a bloody clue!
    A how to clean house book…for men???*lol*
    Ok..I’m going to bed…I am SO not funny

  2. The Locomotion (Everybody’s doin it)Rock Around the Clock ( One, two, three o’clock; get your bums outta bed…)Theme from Rocky (dum duh duh dum duh duh dum duh duhd duh…)Twist and Shout ( But don’t join in. You may hurt yourself!)Wake up Little Susie (Feel free to substitute a  name that sounds less… um, fifties)We Got the Beat (Yes. The Go Gos!)Good Morning Starshine (from Hair)Jump Jive and Wail ( Nothing like swing music in the morning!)Shake your Groove Thing (yeah, yeah)
    Now on to those song suggestions you were asking for…
    hmmm

  3. My #1 wake up song is Green Day’s “When I Come Around”.  I can’t be in a bad mood listening to that.

  4. One o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock rockfour o’clock, five o’clock, six o’clock rockseven o’clock, eight o’clock, nine o’clock rockwe’re gonna rock around the clock tonight…

  5. The one sexy romance book I got through and enjoyed was “The Changling Bride” by Lisa Cache. It’s an intelligent but smutty read.  I have a friend who loves the One for the Money sexy bounty hunter books by (I think) Janet Evanovich.  Ok that spelling is bad but I can ask her if you are interested.
    It’s a cheesy song but how about We Built This City by Jefferson Starship for a wake up.  My son liked 80s arena rock when he was little.  I guess a Queen song could get tossed in there too but “mama, I killed a man” might not work.  🙂

  6. Oh wait, you said non-fiction. Sorry.  Not enough Starbucks yet.  I’ve got to think about that.  Something with Tantric Sex in the title I guess…I’ll ask around at work.

  7. Mississippi Queen by Mountain
    Feeling Alright by Joe Cocker
    Yellow Submarine by the Beatles
    (and isn’t it interesting that we can all think of songs, but not sex books?)

  8. When I was a teen (oh so many moons ago) our local FM radio station used to play the same song every morning just as I was waking up… “What’s Goin’ On” by Marvin Gaye.
    Now this is not your typical high-energy, bop around the clock wake up kind of song, I know.  But to an idealistic young person who could still believe in changing the world, this song was absolutely the perfect wake-up call.  And it still brings me to life whenever I think of it.
    Peace.  ~Paloma

  9. U2 – Beautiful Day is a great one to wake up to.
    Maybe the Saved by the Bell theme (that was a poor attempt at a joke.  Please save your boos)
    I give “Catcher in the Rye” as a gift all the time.  People seem to hang on to that book because it means something to them.  Who knew that Salinger would have nostalgic qualities?

  10. If i get anything by Dr. Laura in my stocking from my “loved one”, he knows I’ll be calling my lawyer.
    Wakin’ up to Flogging Molly is nice. For drunk~Irish~pirate~punk~rock~folk music.

  11. Or you could just get a little gadget I was just reading about called “clocky”, as soon as it comes on the market.  It’s an alarm that will run and hide after you push the snooze – really!

  12. There’s a fabulous little shop near me–the kind of place that sells axis of evil finger puppets, and Ann Taintor items (I hope I spelled her name right)–that also sells sensual books as gift items.  The only one I can remember, because I gave a copy to my husband, was a silly dot-to-dot book.  You know those?  Follow the dots with a pencil and a picture emerges?  In this book, all the pictures were erotic.

  13. I don’t think I’ve bought any good erotica in a couple of years, but surely there’s a recent edition of the Kama Sutra that would work.  You kind of have to include it if there is–it’s the classic non-fiction sex book. 
    My song recommendation:  “Centerfield” by John Fogerty.  Of course, your claim that it has to be “clean” tickles me.  It feels to me like I woke up every morning of my childhood to “Angel of the Morning” by Juice Newton.  (Ah, AM radio.  I bet they really did play it every morning between 7 and 7:30 for something like four years.)  I was so used to it by the time I was old enough to “get” it, that I was an adult before I ever listened to the words and figured out what it meant. 

  14. Fred Penner’s version of “Happy Wanderer” always worked for L. I love to go awanderingAlong the mountain trackAnd when I go, I love to singMy knapsack on my backValderee, valderah,Valderee, valderah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha,Valderee, valderah,My knapsack on my back About the book, I’ll have to do some homework.

  15. Your going about the music thing all wrong.  You play something they can’t stand, say sappy country music or something in opera.  Turn it up really high and have it where they have to get out of bed to turn it off!  Works all the time on my two teens.  Of course there is always “Night Fever” by the Bee Gees to get them dancing!
    As for mags, Bird World for me.  I just like looking at the pictures…:-}

  16. Is the contest still open?  What about, “I think I love you” from the Partridge Family?  Hey, don’t make FUN of me!… I’m seriously serious!  It’s a grand wake-up toon, dude.

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