DONNY AND MARIE

One of my co-workers called me “Jodi Marie” today, which took me by surprise since Marie is not my middle name. She explained that she calls everyone “(Name) Marie,” and sometimes “(Name) Marie Osmond.” Well, everyone needs a hobby. But funny she should call me that, because I’m a little bit country.

If you don’t get the reference due to the recency of your birth, please keep it to yourself.

Ok, actually, I’m not a little bit country. If you examined the music section of my brain, no more than 0.1% would be labeled “country.” I dig the Dixie Chicks, and I had a Garth Brooks phase in the 90’s that lasted about 3.5 minutes. That’s it.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your truck runs again, and your dog comes back to life.

This brings me to my neighbor. He lives one block over and our back yards touch at the corner. He’s a nice guy, and from the vantage point of his second story deck he calls over to tell me what’s wrong with my house.

“You oughtta get your husband to clean the branches off your roof,” he once told me after a wind storm.

So I like him all right, except for his habit of playing country music in his back yard. And I don’t mean bluesy country like Bonnie Raitt, or rocking country like the D.C.’s. I mean flat out, twangy, wife-leaving, truck-breaking, dog-dying country.

No wonder my garden is so pathetic this year. Who could grow listening to that crap?

So before the summer is out, I’m going to get Technogeek to hook my stereo up to a speaker on the deck. I’m gonna blast some blues, baby. Eric Clapton. Buddy Guy. Koko Taylor. Big Mama Thornton. Stevie Ray Vaughn. Dr. John. Because when you play the blues and all that bad stuff happens, you still feel fine.

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19 thoughts on “

  1. I’ve been in a country music mood lately.  It’s because I’ve been driving my dad’s truck.  It just doesn’t seem appropriate to listen to anything else when I’m driving it.  And well, I kinda like it.

  2. I’m a little bit rock and roll.  I went to see Joseph and got so much shit that I said Donny Osmond was so hot in that show.  Ok, I was a Jackson five fan, I never liked Donny Osmond, but he was fricken hot in Joseph and the amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and I defy anyone to tell me other wise!

  3. well, i’ll let david allen coe comment on this …”You Never Even Call Me By My Name” It was all that I could do to keep from cryin’Sometimes it seems so useless to remainYou don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’You never even call me by my name.You don’t have to call me Waylon JenningsAnd you don’t have to call me Charlie Pride.You don’t have to call me Merle Haggard, anymore.Even though your on my fightin’ side.CHORUSAnd I’ll hang around as long as you will let meAnd I never minded standin’ in the rain.You don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’You never even call me by my name.I’ve heard my name a few times in your phone bookI’ve seen it on signs where I’ve laidBut the only time I know, I’ll hear David Allan CoeIs when Jesus has his final judgement day.CHORUS…Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that songand he told me it was the perfect country and western songI wrote him back a letter and told him it was NOT the perfectcountry and western song because he hadn’t said anything aboutMomma, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or gettin’ drunk.Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sentit to me and after reading it, I realized that my friend had writtenthe perfect country and western song. And I felt obliged to include iton this album. The last verse goes like this here:Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison.And I went to pick her up in the rain.But, before I could get to the station in my pickup truckShe got runned over by a damned old train.CHORUS:So I’ll hang around as long as you will let meAnd I never minded standin’ in the rain. No,You don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’You never even call me, I wonder why you don’t call meWhy don’t you ever call me by my name.”

  4. I believe the music portion of my brain would be similarly structured, at least with regards to country music. I have some deep-South-type family that listen to it quite a bit, and when I am with them I can tolerate it, unitl the first 9-11 reference. Then I am out the door.

  5. I am SO gonna start referring to everyone as “(name) Marie” – should go over well with my pastor.You had a Garh Brooks phase? Eeeuuwww!I tried that playing country music… and it actually sounded BETTER!I used to have problem similar to that of your with your neighbor – the country fan I refer to lived in the apartment above me… I got up at 6 AM one morning, turned my speakers toward the ceiling, and turned Nine Inch Nails up to about 11. I never heard their country music again, because… well… I had to move.What/who we listen to definately affects our growth. BE blessed!Steve

  6. I feel that having a graduate degree in music makes me eminently qualified to tell you that you have COMPLETELY missed the point of country music. The point of country music today is that 95% of the women in this genre are HOT!  Faith Hill, Shania Twain, Gretchen Wilson, Shelly Wright, the list goes on an on.  I suggest the following system for maximum enjoyment of country music: Sit down on the couch, turn on CMT (Country Music Television), turn OFF the sound, and bask in the glow of videos that put that soft core stuff on Cinemax to shame. I realize that your sexual orientation may preclude this exercise from being as enjoyable to you as it is to me, but I highly recommend it.

  7. I have no degrees in music, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket and my child once put her hand over my mouth to keep me from singing lullabies to her.  That should not mean that I have no ears and no comprehension for great musical value.  Why listen to wife-leaving, dog-dying, pickup truck blues when you can listen to some great Ray Charles moaning about Georgia or Crazy Love?  Between Ray and Ella Fitzgerald, I do believe I could turn the radio off completely and never be sad.
    Then again, Garth might make a come back.  Whatever would I do then?

  8. I was drunk, the day my mooooooma got outta prison. And I neeeeeeever minnnnnnded staaaaaaaandin’ in tha rain. But before I could git to the station in myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pick-up truuck…
    SHE GOT RUNNED OVER BY A DAMNED OLE TRAIN!!!
    how was that??? LOL

  9. You forgot—when you play a country music song backwards you also sober up and get out of jail!
    I’m with you, country music is fine unless it has a bunch of the TWANG in it. I think that’s a steel guitar. Actually I should say the old stuff is fine, like “Thank God and Greyhound you’re Gone”, but the new country bites!

  10. Regarding people who don’t get cultural references because of their age: They aren’t just annoying, they can be dangerous. A case in point from this very week: I’m filling in at my church as the music director for a few months. We have a music associate on staff that is 22 years old and one of his jobs is printing the bulletin for Sunday Mornings. This coming Sunday our pastor is talking about “Gentleness” and when I emailed the kid with a list of the music for this Sunday I listed that Glen Campbell would be stopping in to sing “Gentle on my mind.” for the communion music. I stopped by the church office the next day and happend to pick up a proof copy of the bulletin. Sure enough, Glen Campbell was listed, because this kid didn’t realize it was a joke.

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