ALL THE NEWS


 


So…. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (you know, the one who made vague threats against Terri Schiavo’s doctors) has been indicted for campaign finance fraud in Texas.  If convicted, he faces two years in the slammer.


 


And… Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is under investigation for insider trading.


 


Dudes. Don’t sweat it.  Just do your time.  When you get out, you’ll get your own reality show.  “The Apprentice: Tom DeLay/Bill Frist.”  On this program, wannabe political lackeys undergo a 15 week interview in which they demonstrate their skills in spinning, graft, corruption, and buck-passing.


 


Meanwhile…. Karl Rove’s little bit of treason has been forgotten, thanks to clever media management.  Learn from the master, contestants!


 


And also… George Bush conspired with the weather gods to bring another hurricane so he would have a second chance to demonstrate that the Department of Homeland Security does something other than remove rights from law-abiding American citizens.


 


Ok, I made that last part up.  The Department of Homeland Security actually has no other functions.


 


Quote from Newsweek:


“Bush will go down in history as the most fiscally irresponsible chief executive in American history.”


 


Yes, George, a giant, unnecessary yet unstoppable war plus increased domestic spending plus natural disaster clean up plus tax cuts equals one whopping big deficit. 


 


Don’t worry, George has it handled.  He’ll pay the bills with the big federal credit card known as Your Children’s Future.


 


And on this date in history…. Bill Clinton was presiding over a peaceful and prosperous nation with a budget surplus, and getting a little Oval Office nookie. 


 


Thank god those days are over.


 

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38 thoughts on “

  1. An indictment generally doesn’t mean that much.  I’ll be surprised if Delay is actually convicted of anything.  Guilty or not, I anticipate his co-indictees will take the fall.
    Still, the House GOP has been working hard this year to change the ethics rules… apparently to protect Delay.  And they’ve had to reverse themselves after getting caught at it.  Maybe this will be a case of smoke = fire.
    By the way, I don’t even want to know what that first props was all about…

  2. It’s a figure of speech… It means that something has you cranky… I imagine you would be cranky if you had sand in your vagina, wouldn’t you? At least a little bit annoyed?

  3. I’m looking forward to speech season and judging all those wonderful Extemperaneous Speaking rounds. 
    “GWB is a nancie (per John Cleese) yes or no?  To quote Newsweek, Sept 2005, GWB, failing to prove fiscal responsibilty, convienently hired a hit man hurricane to wipe out the east Texas coast so that all that remained were his loyal supporters.  Gore came back with an unofficial recount vote stating that GWB had failed to win as the tides eeked out without much damage proving once again that Bush is a nancie.”
    And I voted for the man ( hangs head in shame).

  4. Yes…corruption, treason, missmanagement, murder, conflict of interest, and just plain old stupidity is completely forgivable. But….get a blowjob from an ugly chick…let’s impeach. I’m so glad America has it’s priorities in order.

  5. Oh come on.!  I would rather have my son die in a war and have my country be broke, than have the innocent children/teens of this nation find out the president had  not real sex outside of marriage.  I know I was personally tramatized, it was like finding out my parents had sex.  Horrible.  I don’t undestand the way you people think.  And furthermore, I am very upset about what Borderline_Traits  had to say.  This really is all your doing, you and your blog. Next, the Star will be reporting that in a druken stuper George asked Laura to try the cigar thing.  Scandoulous.

  6. I came here to thank you for your ‘heartfelled comment’ and your ‘helpful advice’ about my tumble-episode, and I find a wonderfully written, indepth, sarcasme-laden post.
    I LOVE IT!!
    Back for more very soon….
    ~L~

  7. Thank you thank you thank you for the recipe–I will overlook the french maid thing. 
    The reality show I really want to see is the Bill Clinton Show, after Hillary gets elected.  That would be sweet.

  8. ryc: a (muffled) LOL. We could fast-forward to 2008, but look at all the crap the new president will have to deal with? The major changes, and complete overhaul of the system now in place. god forbid it’s another Republican (f*** that), but Hilary is too flip-floppy, edged in some republicanisms. Who do you think is a viable candidate (besides Jon Stewart-hehe)?

  9. In reading your post and all these comments, I thing I’ve inadvertently stumbled upon the problem:  The Republicans aren’t getting enough blowjobs.  (Not that they’d ever admit to wanting one, or even that they know what one is, being such fine, forthright conservatives.)
    xoxoxo

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