THE WORLD
ACCORDING TO TIGGER

My eight-year-old,
Tigger, and her pal Lulu have invented a belief system that seems to combine
Lulu’s religious upbringing with Tigger’s lack of one.  It goes like this:

When you die, if
you are a good person, you get a choice between becoming an angel and getting
another life.  If you elect angelhood,
after every year you get to choose again. 
If you decide to have another life, though, you don’t get to choose what
you will be.  Maybe a person, maybe an
aardvark, who knows?

But if you are a
bad person, you can’t become an angel, and you come back to life as something
icky, like a flea.  Tigger couldn’t think
of anything worse to be than a flea, but I would have to put being a slug lower
on the chain.

I love the
flexibility of this system, and the personal responsibility it entails.  If your life as a flea or a slug is
unpleasant, you have only yourself to blame. 
I wonder if the slugs I slaughter are thinking, just before I drop them
in the salt water, “Damn, WHY did I embezzle that money?  WHAT was I thinking when I robbed that nice
old couple of their retirement savings?”

Meanwhile,
five-year-old Little Bit wants to rock the preschool and learn to play
guitar.  The instructor I contacted told
me he does a five minute test with young children to see if they are
cognitively and motorically ready to learn guitar.  (Yes I did make up one of those words.  If you can’t tell which one you would
probably fail the test.)
(Wait, never mind.  My trusty Merriam Webster’s Collegiate
Dictionary says  it really is a word.  Hah!  In your
face, Microsoft spell checker.)

So, tomorrow after
school we are going to meet Guitar Guy and get Little Bit tested.  I wonder if I should coach her before we get
there.

“Repeat after me,
Little Bit: ‘FORTISSIMO!’  Great.  Now say ‘pianissimo.’  Excellent. 
Ok, how about ‘Every Good Boy Does Fine.’  All right, you’re ready.  Bring it on, Guitar Guy.”

No I will not be
the manager of the girls’ first garage band. 
That’s their Dad’s job.

FRIDAY UPDATE
Have y’all been anxiously waiting to learn whether Little Bit passed
Guitar Guy’s test?  Well she did.  First lesson next
week.  Rock on, baby girl.

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37 thoughts on “

  1. lol the after life talk is interesting. I like the way they think, at least they didn’t say you just laid in your coffin and waited there with the bugs crawling on you until you got to do a try over.
    Good luck on the Guitar guy. Hmmm, start teaching about great guitar player names. lol.

  2. I’ve been thinking of starting my own garage band. But I don’t have a garage. and none of my friends play instruments. Oh, to be back in preschool where everything is possible.

  3. Hope the “test” is passed with flying colors! My girls took a few years of piano lessons, then stopped. Youngest now wants guitar lessons so I need to get off my rear and find a teacher. We’ve already learned it would be best if she learns from someone other than me!

  4. I wonder what the lifespan of a slug and flea is. I guess I’m thinking that would be over relatively quickly!
    Good luck with the guitar lessons. Brandi want’s an electric guitar. Sigh.

  5. I like that afterlife plan.  The reason I can’t kill spiders is my father told me when I was young that I should never step on a spider because it might be someone’s brother.  But if it were someone’s no-good embezzling brother, I wouldn’t feel bad about killing him.

  6. I vote that you get Little Bit a mini Stratocaster! I like the kids belief system too…And I can think of some things worse than a flea…I will save that for your next political post.   

  7. guitar is a great instrument to learn. You can pull it out at partys and entertain people, or just play for a pick me up. You learn something like the trombone and who the hell wants to hear that at a cook out? LOL

  8. I’m a trumpet player myself. I tried the guitar, but my fingers always hurt. As for being reincarnated? I like the idea. Maybe i’ll come back as Tick!Oh…no, i don’t get spooked like i did when i was a kid.

  9. Good for Little Bit–I’ve always wanted to play the guitar.
    And I just love Tigger–that girl’s got a great mind, doesn’t she??  Will you read through some of these entries with your kids when they get older?  I think it could be an incredible gift!

  10. I came here this morning just knowing there was going to be a wonderful, witty, blog about the new Supreme Court nominee. Alas, it’s not here. So what’s the matter? Do you have a life or something that is getting in the way of your blogging?!?!? (a faithful reader waiting with bated breath)

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