ACCORDING TO TIGGER
Tigger, and her pal Lulu have invented a belief system that seems to combine
Lulu’s religious upbringing with Tigger’s lack of one. It goes like this:
When you die, if
you are a good person, you get a choice between becoming an angel and getting
another life. If you elect angelhood,
after every year you get to choose again.
If you decide to have another life, though, you don’t get to choose what
you will be. Maybe a person, maybe an
aardvark, who knows?
But if you are a
bad person, you can’t become an angel, and you come back to life as something
icky, like a flea. Tigger couldn’t think
of anything worse to be than a flea, but I would have to put being a slug lower
on the chain.
I love the
flexibility of this system, and the personal responsibility it entails. If your life as a flea or a slug is
unpleasant, you have only yourself to blame.
I wonder if the slugs I slaughter are thinking, just before I drop them
in the salt water, “Damn, WHY did I embezzle that money? WHAT was I thinking when I robbed that nice
old couple of their retirement savings?”
five-year-old Little Bit wants to rock the preschool and learn to play
guitar. The instructor I contacted told
me he does a five minute test with young children to see if they are
cognitively and motorically ready to learn guitar. (Yes I did make up one of those words. If you can’t tell which one you would
probably fail the test.)
(Wait, never mind. My trusty Merriam Webster’s Collegiate
Dictionary says it really is a word. Hah! In your
face, Microsoft spell checker.)
So, tomorrow after
school we are going to meet Guitar Guy and get Little Bit tested. I wonder if I should coach her before we get
“Repeat after me,
Little Bit: ‘FORTISSIMO!’ Great. Now say ‘pianissimo.’ Excellent.
Ok, how about ‘Every Good Boy Does Fine.’ All right, you’re ready. Bring it on, Guitar Guy.”
No I will not be
the manager of the girls’ first garage band.
That’s their Dad’s job.
Have y’all been anxiously waiting to learn whether Little Bit passed
Guitar Guy’s test? Well she did. First lesson next
week. Rock on, baby girl.