No, NO, I did not drink any of the Xanga water that caused
Madhousewife, Anothermadhousewife, and OrdinaryButLoud to all be pregnant
together. But my five-year-old wishes I
“Mommy,” Little Bit moaned at bedtime, “I REALLY want a
baby. I SO MUCH want a baby. Why can’t we have a baby?”
I had the perfect response.
“Our family is perfect just the way it is, Sweetie.” Who could argue with that?
Little Bit could.
“But Mommy, Arthur and D.W. had a baby. Now there are THREE kids in THEIR family. WE could have another baby too!”
“Arthur and D.W. are aardvarks, not humans. Besides, they are FICTIONAL aardvarks. You want to base our lifestyle on the
profligate reproductive tendencies of fictional aardvarks? And also, haven’t you read any of the
research on birth order? Everyone knows
the first born gets the high expectations and the baby gets the adoration. What does the middle child get? Bupkis.
You’ll thank me when you’re an overindulged boomerang adult spending
your bucks on bling because you don’t have to pay rent rather than an overaged
goth chick painting all black pictures in a skuzzy apartment while struggling
to find her place in the world. ”
I stopped because Little Bit had fallen asleep. My work there was done.
I admit it does seem unfair.
Tigger gets to have a little sister. How can I justify denying Little Bit the
opportunity to be the bigger, more powerful sibling, the one who is idolized,
the one who gets to help and care-take rather than be the smallest all the
time? This is the child who dressed as a
Mommy for Halloween. Of course, Tigger
complains that she has unfairly been denied the benefit of an older
sister. Not much I can do about that.
It never seems to occur to either of them that a new baby in
the family might well turn out to be a (gasp) boy. And judging by my husband’s reputation among
those who knew him when, any boy child of his would be a red-haired demon. Would the children still appreciate their baby
brother when he started firing rocket-powered nerf missiles at them while
swinging from the chandelier? Would they
think him cute when he interrupted their sweet, cooperative girl games with
No, it is in Little Bit’s best interests to remain the
youngest child. She understands that
When she’s asleep, anyway.