Dear Santa,

It’s time we had a talk, big guy.  Did you catch the news a few days ago, when
“Tookie” Williams, the notorious murderer and founder of the Crips, was
executed for his long ago crimes?  He
allegedly regretted having spawned the street gang culture that is the scourge
of our cities to this day. 

What about you, Santa? 
Do you regret what you’ve done?

Sure, you started out small… just a little treat tucked into
children’s shoes.  But look what it’s

Santa, you single-handedly turned a religious celebration of
the birth of the Christian deity into an entire season of monstrous avarice,
devoid of spiritual content.  Did you
know that this year the big churches are keeping their doors closed on Sunday,
December 25?  Why?  Because who wants to be bothered with church
on Christmas, that’s why.

Did you know that this year, people were trampled and
pummeled in their desperate haste to buy cheap electronic goods in your
name?  Don’t try to duck your
responsibility now.  Even Tookie wrote books
trying to keep kids out of gangs.  Where
are your books asking youngsters to turn their backs on the December
greed-fest?  Hmm?

Let’s face it, Santa, you, your glittering tree, your fights
and your fun, your excessive consumption of goods and treats, and your drunken
revelries at the change of the seasons are the markers of other, more ancient

Saturnalia has become the defacto winter festival, as it was
a long, long time ago.  Pagans are a
tenacious lot.  All these years later,
they’ve taken the Solstice back from the Christians.  Pretty soon we will all be invoking the name
Sol Invictus—the Unconquered Sun.

Don’t get me wrong, Santa, I’ll take any excuse for a
party.  And I’m not a Christian myself,
so it’s no biggie to me.  But there are
all these deluded people running around thinking this event has something to do
with their religion, poor suckers. 

Are you even a little bit sorry?


15 thoughts on “

  1. HEY!!!! if you stick one extra vowel into the acronym created by your screen name you could get Swambo! I love that! Can I refer to you from now froever as Swambo, or The magnificent Swambo or Swambo the magnificent???? Please????

  2. This letter writing has taken over your life. It must end!!!Pick up the phone sometimeand while you’re at it could you call in a scrip for some tranquilizers? Borderline Traits ^seems to be on the verge of something very scary.P.S. Your mommy is funny…and your comment had me rolling. It’s a dog’s life, my ass!

  3. It has turned into a “season of monstrous avarice.” Possessions are a burden, and life would be so much more restful if more people understood that.Poor Santa, I think he meant well.

  4. Poor Santa.  Dead guys make great scapegoats.  Was “St. Nicolas” an actual historical person?  I don’t even know. . . . or care, really.  I love Christmas, in all it’s greedy, over-indulgent glory.  Whatever it is, it teaches us something about what should be.  Even this incessant dissatisfaction that’s taken hold of a lot of us is an instructive emotion, a call to deeper meaning and integrity.  Also, I am really enjoying the Christmas debate.  America seems like it should be big enough to handle some cultural diversity and tolerate more than one religion’s holiday traditions.  I see the public tussle over who gets top billing at the retail stores as “growing pains” on the way to maturing into a truly inclusive country.
    I disagree with Rachel’s mommy.  I love your letters.  Don’t ever stop.  Phones are over-rated.

  5. Santa Claus called, he was quite irate, the elves read your letter & bawled, SC says “You just wait.”
    I think you may have ticked off the biggest jolly old elf at the North Pole. Burn a really big fire in your fireplace on Christmas eve, or Santa just might be inclined to take a ‘dump’ down your chimney.  

  6. I actually think that Santa had little to do with what Christmas has become.  I blame it on good old-fashioned american capitalism.  Shop, shop, shop! Save, save, save!
    Anyway…I have to agree with Zebra_Slut…I happen to be Santa’s drinking buddy, and he tells me you’re getting a stocking full of lizard shit this year.  FYI
    P.S……Saturnalia?  Really?  Didn’t that die with the Roman Empire?  Why, it’s just……..just……..silly.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s