SANTA AND TOOKIE
It’s time we had a talk, big guy. Did you catch the news a few days ago, when
“Tookie” Williams, the notorious murderer and founder of the Crips, was
executed for his long ago crimes? He
allegedly regretted having spawned the street gang culture that is the scourge
of our cities to this day.
What about you, Santa?
Do you regret what you’ve done?
Sure, you started out small… just a little treat tucked into
children’s shoes. But look what it’s
Santa, you single-handedly turned a religious celebration of
the birth of the Christian deity into an entire season of monstrous avarice,
devoid of spiritual content. Did you
know that this year the big churches are keeping their doors closed on Sunday,
December 25? Why? Because who wants to be bothered with church
on Christmas, that’s why.
Did you know that this year, people were trampled and
pummeled in their desperate haste to buy cheap electronic goods in your
name? Don’t try to duck your
responsibility now. Even Tookie wrote books
trying to keep kids out of gangs. Where
are your books asking youngsters to turn their backs on the December
Let’s face it, Santa, you, your glittering tree, your fights
and your fun, your excessive consumption of goods and treats, and your drunken
revelries at the change of the seasons are the markers of other, more ancient
Saturnalia has become the defacto winter festival, as it was
a long, long time ago. Pagans are a
tenacious lot. All these years later,
they’ve taken the Solstice back from the Christians. Pretty soon we will all be invoking the name
Sol Invictus—the Unconquered Sun.
Don’t get me wrong, Santa, I’ll take any excuse for a
party. And I’m not a Christian myself,
so it’s no biggie to me. But there are
all these deluded people running around thinking this event has something to do
with their religion, poor suckers.
Are you even a little bit sorry?