THE BIG GUN

In case anyone was still concerned about the unjust
harassment I’ve received from my Evil Insurance Company (EIC), let me assure
you I handed the matter over to someone better able to deal with it: my
husband, who for the purposes of this post will be known as the Big Gun (BG).

BG has a gift that I lack, which is the ability to excoriate
people out loud.  I can only do it in
writing, which is much less effective, since the excoriatee can simply choose
not to read it.  Furthermore, he can
excoriate at great length without swearing. 
This is key, because a corporate drone (CD) who has the undoubtedly
thankless job of talking to angry customers on the phone is ONLY ALLOWED TO
HANG UP IF THE CUSTOMER SWEARS. 

Therefore, CDs are highly motivated to solve BG’s problems,
because he’s so very unpleasant to talk to and they can’t hang up on him. 

For example, BG recently phoned the cable company about some
damn thing, and the Supervisory Corporate Drone (SCD) informed him that his
problem could not be attended to for days, maybe weeks, because (insert
meaningless corporate blather here).  BG
said he would keep SCD on the phone until the problem was fixed, and settled in
for a long chat.  SCD could not hang up,
because BG didn’t swear.

The problem was fixed within the hour.

So I confidently handed the harassing letters from the EIC
over to BG, who reports that they will not be bothering me any more.

And that is reason #192 why it’s helpful to have a man
around the house.

____________________________________________________________

Edit:  To answer Gungaboy’s question, reason #191 is: to open stuck jar lids.
 

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36 thoughts on “

  1. ryc—lol thanks…there were actually three shots…that was the best of the bunch. One had the top of his head chopped off. =p hehe

  2. I’m that man.You should have heard me yesterday with US Cellular (henceforth referred to as Piece of Shit Cellular Phone Company).I was in the middle of the retail store, on the phone with POSCPC’s customer service, and nearly got an ovation for my unending logic and fortitude. The sales staff was giggling and told my children they would never want to get in an argument with me. I hope my kid’s were paying attention!!!

  3. I want instructions from him! Seriously, I can’t do it without swearing… so I get hung up on on occasion… Hopefully he’ll get everything straight.

  4. …will be known as BG. That’s funny.I, too, have been fighting an epic battle withmy health insurance company after a surgerythat they refused to cover. I think, however, I have won the battle. We’ll see though…And yes, I took that picture. Thanks-P.S. I am a letter writer too.

  5. This is filed under” very good to know..I mean the no cursing policy because i can be annoying and quite verbose..and I have issues with insurence still pending .nice to see you again…:)RYC I have no idea if the B’ham zoo is a good zoo but any zoo will do…:) Mia lucia

  6. Reasons to keep a man around sounds like a great train of thought. Us guys could work on our job security. A child who doesn’t like cookie dough would be cause for another language. For me, it’s the reverse. I’m so spoiled on my wife’s CCC’s that I practically won’t try anyone elses’.

  7. Awww, c’mon. Tell us how he did it. Did he just keep them on the phone until they acquiesced to his will?RYC: I’m not so sure that the possibility of flight within 300 years (of the rise of Christianity) is such a mighty big supposition! It’s really not such a difficult thing, flight. Even Leonardo da Vinci had drawings of flying machines that possibly could have worked (although I realize that was much later, late 1400s). But people in Europe were strongly encouraged not to be creative (as in… you have no reason to question God’s world. Everything you need to know is supplied by God… and if you question that, you’re guilty of heresy… whereby we’ll either imprison you or burn you at the stake). Not particularly a good motivation for bright and new ideas!!

  8. wow that is cool.  I am SO not good at BG’s skill on the phone!  I am a total wimp in that regard but I can truly rake someone over the coals in a most polite and professional manner in writing (a good skill in the workplace if one must ever file a grievance or address a particularly nasty employee)
    do you ever loan him out?  heck I would toss in some GB (greenbacks) for rent!

  9. BG = blue grass. Which has nothing to do with your post. Except for the fact that the first letters are the same. As a compound word, it’s pretty awesome roots music.RYC: The book is mainly feminist critical theory. Some might find it boring, but I find it fascinating. For example: “Does size matter? Absolutely, yes. But the matter of size is as ‘mental’ as it is ‘material’-never just a question of nerve endings, always a collaboration with the imagination, and therefore with culture.” (Page 83)

  10. Oh yeah, it is real nice to have a guy take care of those Big Large Companies who have noting better to do but to pick on us little people! Good for your BG!!!

  11. RYC: It may seem that way, but unless you live in a trailer, the ghetto, or on the beach, then its no more dangerous than anywhere else in the country. Besides, Gainesville is about 60 miles inland, so no matter what kind of storm rolls in, we’re never going to get the brunt of it.

  12. applause, you are absolutely capable of verbal excoriation.  It just takes practice.  I am in love with your writing style!!!  I came here to kind of answer something you asked me and because I have swiss cheese for brains it has leaked out of the place I put it and that’s okay, because it got me here.  And I am a csr and cannot hang up and usually do not hang up under any circumstances.  I have to suck it up.  Tuff as nails I tell ya….

  13. Reason #191 can be nicely done away with by using a “rubber husband” – you know those little round rubber discs you are supposed to use to open jars?  In favor of separate houses always….me

  14. I had to smile at reason 191. Whether we want to admit it or not, nothing pleases a man more than being called on to deal with trivial issues. I once wrote a 3 screen e-mail reply to a friend on why men need to be the ones to open jars in a relationship.If your husband has the patience, let him deal with telemarketers in the same way. I used to delight in keeping those reprobates on the phone for 30 minutes to both ensure that they couldn’t pester someone else and to be 100% certain that I was put on their do not call list for both that corporation and any others that they created in the future. Best wishes.

  15. Your husband rocks. I got charged for something that I shouldn’t have with Verizon. I was quite pleasant the entire time. The customer service representative said that he couldn’t credit my account for it this statement. So, I remembered your blog and thought, hrm…I wonder. After talking to him for about 20 minutes, he put me on hold. He then said, “Sir, I am going to credit your account.” Muahaha! I then questioned him about the games I had lost during Verizon’s “Fixing” of my phone. He gave me two addition credits for games. If Technogeek was around, I would give him a big burly man hug!

  16. Oh yeah, usually the quickest way to get to a human when your going through that computer menue crap is just to spam “0”. Another way is to shout an explitive into the phone when your going through the voice command menu.

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