TRANSVESTITE RABBIT STREAKS

                                             

Remember that fad in the 80’s, where people ran naked across
the field at major sporting events?

Well, that’s not my thing.

Futzing with my hair is not my thing either.  Nevertheless, I put in an appearance for my
annual hair cut today.

“What did you want to do?” asked Renee, the stylist with the
spiky, multi-colored ‘do.

“I don’t know.  It’s
too long, frizzy, split ends…I don’t know, help me!”

She laid out a very reasonable plan involving cutting it to
just below my shoulders, adding some layers, and tapering it a bit in
front. 

I took a deep breath. 
“I’m thinking about getting it streaked.”

(Important note: since I WAS thinking about that, I went to
the real (read that: high priced) salon instead of Quick and Cheap Haircuts, as
I might otherwise have done.  Mainly
because I figured if I got my hair colored at Quick and Cheap, Carey would fly
out here just to kick my ass.)

Renee expressed delight with that notion, telling me it
would look beautiful.  We consulted the clock
and determined that we had just enough time to accomplish the procedure before
I had to go pick up the chicklets from camp.

I was taken into the Inner Sanctum known as “The Color
Room.”  It’s a brightly lit area
containing swivel chairs and many magazines, every one of which discusses the
lives of celebrities in embarrassing detail.

Renee disappeared for a few minutes and returned with two
bowls of goop.  She spent about half an
hour painting the goop on my hair and wrapping it in rectangular foil packets.  I spent the time flipping through More Than You Want To Know magazine, and
learned the sad tale of Kate Bosworth, currently starring in the new Superman
movie as Lois Lane,
or, as the magazine cattily called her, Lois Lean.

Here’s Kate a few years ago, looking buffed for her role in Blue Crush.
Gorgeous, huh?

And here she is now.
Hollywood sucks.

Renee then left me to absorb chemicals for another half hour.  I opened another magazine and discovered that
Britney feels very guilty for dropping her baby on his head.

Finally I was moved to the sink room, where I leaned my head
back and Sherry, Renee’s capable assistant, washed the goop out of my hair
while explaining at great length that she was a hairdresser because she wasn’t
smart enough to be a P.E. teacher, and that she’d wanted to be a P.E. teacher
because she wanted to work on an ocean liner. 
I didn’t quite follow that part.

Finally we moved on to the haircutting phase, where I got my
first look at my newly streaky hair.  I
have to say, it looks pretty good, as does the haircut Renee planned and
executed.  I’ll have to do it again next
year.

Lest you think I spent my whole afternoon engaged in
frivolous cosmetic pursuits, I want you to know I did something else I’d never
done before today: got a mammogram.  You
all may now thank the deity of your choice that I didn’t blog about THAT
adventure.

_____________________________________________________________

All right, ALL RIGHT.  Streaks.

Sorry about the background.  Doesn’t Technogeek have nice shirts?

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41 thoughts on “

  1. So that’s what happens to failed P.E. teacher wannabes!
    My wife has explained the mammogram procedure in full detail.  If that’s any indication, I’m definitely never getting screened for testicular cancer.

  2. OMG!  Is the girl to the left (red shorts) the ex-cop from the series LOST?  She supposedly got shot and died (?) last season.
    Photo time with new do…por favor!

  3. Don’t they have two for one places( haircuts and Mamograms?)I think I should invent such a place. I got highlights for the first time this year too. arn’t we sheek? RYC: your comment was funny.

  4. Well I was expecting pictures of the new ‘do.  I never do anything new.  I always  just cut it off a few inches to make it feel new then no one notices.  I’m not much for a haircut that requires too much effort to maintain.   I should play with the color though before the gray completely takes over.  🙂  The funny thing about all this not wanting to do my hair is that I sell beauty supplies.  HA! 
    Yay for mammograms.  There’s got to be a better way. 

  5. Hollywood sucks. No wonder they’re all neurotic and have relationship problems! I would be nuts too if millions of people cared how much I weigh every time I leave the house!!!

  6. Phew. I’m really glad it worked out… and now I can use that airfare money for something…Never mind. I already spent it. And jeez, pics of Kate??? You are so not getting away with that!I know you have a new camera.Delete and replace those two right now!!!

  7. Yes! Show us a picture!I agree with momofjennandmatt. LOL! When I worked in an OB/GYN office, we had several patients who were friends and would get their mammos scheduled on the same day and then all go out for lunch after.

  8. Well, I’m in shock.  My daughter with streaks…in her hair.  If you did the other kind, I wouldn’t be nearly as surprised!  Why couldn’t we see a pic of your hair instead of the bikini girl, whoever she is, they all look alike to me. 
    The mammogram people compress because they care.  It says so on every wall in the place.

  9. TNG cut my hair a few times with the Flowbee. Are you old enough to remember these late night infomercial things? They attach to your vacuum, suck your hair up and cut it all off at the same length. Works for me, althought it’s noisy. Definitley not your relaxing spa experience. 😉 Still, I’m on the fence about buying one since I broke up with he-who-cuts-hair.

  10. Now that I’m older I read up a little about Mamograms. There is some static about the new process, digital mamograms, probably to charge more money and confuse the patients… To further embarass the patients they ask if you have tender or dense breasts, requiring different diagnosis.But at least the exam isn’t as bad as a colon and/or prostate examination. If you still have a significant other as them to get their exam as often as you get yours, misery loves company, huh?

  11. I haven’t done a ‘gram but I had mine pushed and pressed manually by my doctor – she just kept apologising about it. I mean, I’d rather her do that than be sick.

  12. Nice streaks.  I still think no-mammogram-story is kind of a rip-off, though.  😛
    Actually, my brain went on a major tangent considering all the implications of a transvestite streaking. 

  13. feel lucky you didn’t start the mamms back in the day cuz it hurt really bad, nowadays it’s a walk in the park.
    Loved your running story of each phase, LOL, that’s cute.  As is your hair, my dear!
    Toodles~

  14. Ah, yes, I remember when Ed Leinenkugel streaked across the lawn by the cafeteria in high school.
    Actually, I love my highlights.  Get ’em done twice a year.  Makes a huge difference in how I feel about my aging looks.  As for the photo, yes, Technogeek does have nice shirts.  It reminds me of one of my favorite photos from college, in which my friend Hiroko dressed up as a cowboy for Halloween and I dressed up as a geisha.  We took a picture in front of my closet, but we should have closed the closet doors first, dang it!

  15. Nice streaks.  Now bring on the mammogram story. 🙂
    And yes, Hollywood DOES suck.  If I see one more adorable teen-star-turned-skeletor, I’m gonna be sick.  My kids watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2, and the way Hillary Duff looked just made me sad.

  16. Futzing….I didn’t hear that for a long time.When we were liittle and slow my MA would say “Stop futzin’ around!!!”
    I am passing thru, checking out all the sites nominated  for   TheTheologiansCafe ‘ Best content on Xanga’.
     
    Congratulations !!!

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