LETTERS I’D LIKE TO SEND

 

Dear Mr. Chavez,

Don’t be dissing our President.  He’s the most powerful dude in the world
right now.  He has his faults.  Many, many faults.  I’m not real fond of him myself.  But he doesn’t go around calling other world
leaders names.  You shouldn’t
either.  Give respect to get respect,
savvy?

 Hope this helps,

T.R.

 


 Dear Mr. Ahmadinejad,

Nobody believes your nuclear program has peaceful
intent.  Nobody believes anything you
say.  You are dangerous and I hope we
don’t have to go to war with you, because we can’t afford it, and we are sick
of our soldiers dying in the Middle East.  Please learn to play nicely with others.  Real soon.

Dismayed,

T.R.

 


 Dear Muslim World,

It sure is easy to get you riled up.  Your blood pressure must be
astronomical.  Here’s a tip: if you want
people to think you are a peaceful lot, you should stop doing violent stuff.  Simple, huh?  I know
change is hard.  Take it easy.  One day at a time. 

Cheers,

T.R.      

 


Dear Hollywood,

The new tv season is starting up, and I could not be less
excited about it.  In the future, could
you please broadcast something other than 24-hour-a-day crap?  Thank you.

Not much of a fan,

T.R.

 


Dear California
Farmers,

I am disappointed that you chose to poison hundreds of
consumers with improperly grown and processed 
spinach shortly after I adopted a vegetable-based diet.  Will I ever again look at a bright crisp
green salad without a twinge of suspicion?

Not amused,

T.R.

 


Dear Xangans That Can String Two Sentences Together in a Coherent Manner,

Please post more often.

Your friend,

T.R.

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24 thoughts on “

  1. Dear TR,This is to acknowledge receipt of your letter.Suicide bombings will be delivered in the order in which they are received.Please stand by and a bomber shall be with you shortly.Sincerely,The Muslim World

  2. Bravo!  My sentiments exactly.  Here’s one:
    Dear Cable News:
    Please don’t dedicate an entire newscast show (Greta, I’m talkin’ to you darlin’) to interviewing people who don’t have any information to provide on a topic that is still being investigated.  We don’t need to hear five people say in twenty different ways that they don’t know anything other than the fact that the event occurred.  No need to keep re-asking them using different words because they will still tell you they don’t know anything until further information is made available.
    Thanks guys!
    PG

  3. You know, I don’t think anyone is posting on xanga recently. 
    Dear CBS,
    Do you realize that I only get three channels, and that’s on a non-windy day?  Please try to air somthing other than the same CSI:  Miami episode you’ve been running since July 12.  Thanks.
    Thora

  4. You turn these letters out so easily–you should be put in the White House and given the President’s signature on a rubber stamp.  I’ve been waiting for three weeks to get an answer from my Congreessman. 
    1.  I asked for his position on a specific bill.
    2.  He thanked me for my interest.
    3.  I asked again for his position.
    4.  Silence.

  5. Dear ER Nurse #2,
    The next time you have to insert a catheter, please give me some warning.  It hurt like hell, and I could have used a moment to brace myself.  Also, telling me that it “doesn’t really hurt” was a bold-faced lie.  That was just stupid of you.
    Burning up,
    LLLB
    P.S.  Thanks for making an “Eeew, Gross!” face as you were working.  That really didn’t help matters much.

  6. Grey’s Anatomy ABCBoston Legal ABCMy Name is Earl NBCDancing w/the Stars ABC (if you ff thru the dumb crap)Divine Design HGTV Men in Trees ABCThe New Adventures of Old Christine CBSStudio 60 on the Sunset Strip NBC (by The West Wing folks)Explorer NGC (National Geographic Channel)I could preview Six Degrees for you later tonight, as well.Good shows that come and go…Curb your Enthusiasm HBOThe Sopranos HBO30 Days FXRescue Me FXBig Love HBO(I know there are some critically acclaimed shows on SHO, but they always cancel them for no good reason, so I unsubbed.)The rest of that crap, I can’t help you with!ps. I miss West Wing

  7. kamomlisa’s comment is my favorite! I think there’s a book in the making here… “Letters from TR.” Have you read any Neil Postman? If not, start perhaps with “The End of Education” or “Technopoly” or … okay, any of them. Just find one!

  8. I need to know something.  I am considered old now, and can’t seem to keep up anymore, so will some of you younger people please tell me this…does anyone actually care about, like or even want to know about Paris Hilton?  WHAT IS THE BIG FAT DEAL WITH HER????
    Thank you, 
    T.R.’s mother

  9. that outta cover it! now if only everyone would listen to your advice… I was wondering, especially, about the fall tv lineup as well… (not that I don’t lose sleep over world politics and holy wars, but you know…) Anyway, why does every other show feature someone with super-natural powers?? weird. and annoying.

  10. I love your random letters; I’m just glad they’re not posted to me. Since I’ve been educated on the advantages of going organic, I’m paranoid about conventional foods esp. specific fruits and veg that are notoriously overdosed with chemicals. I’d be pissed about the spinach too, if I were you.

  11. Dear TR-
    I tried to post this comment: 
    I think the spinch is a terrorist plot.  Someone wants to sabotage those of us trying to live a healthy lifestyle.  If they get us out of the way, then it will be easier to knock off the rest of the fat, lazy, Americans. (o: 
    While I was joking, I am now not so sure.  I got a message that said I had “found” a bug.  It took me quite a while to get my whole Xanga back up!  Watch out! LOL (o:

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