DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE MOVIE STARS

 

I didn’t mention this before because I didn’t want to whine (though now, apparently, I do want to whine).  I have the flu.  I’ve been sick for days with the usual gamut of fever/sore throat/runny everything/coughing misery.  And my husband is out of town.  That means:

  1. I have 100% responsibility for the care and feeding of the children and livestock (ok, actually Tigger feeds the hamster).  And
  2. Because of #1, I can’t dose myself with Nyquil and sleep through the whole viral extravaganza.  Just imagine how the mornings would go:

 

“Mommy?  Mommy?  MOMMYYYYYY, get up.  We’re hungry.  We have to be driven to school.  We have to have an adult look at us and smile indulgently while we do cute, not-so-cute, and downright obnoxious things.  We need someone to break up our squabbles.  MOMMMMM, no more Nyquil for you!  GET UP!”

 

So I’ve been muddling through with Sudafed PE.  I
don’t know what PE stands for, but I do know that, unlike non-PE
Sudafed, they let you buy the stuff without a background check and a
strip search.  So that’s what I’ve got.

 

After
I dropped the girls off at school, I returned home and climbed into bed
with a cup of tea and the latest DVD I received from Netflix, Brokeback Mountain.  (Usually
when I’m home sick I watch the daytime talk shows, but once you’ve seen
“My Baby Daddy Hooked Up With My Mama’s Boyfriend’s Hairdresser” once,
you really don’t need a repeat.)  And usually Technogeek and I watch our movie rentals together, but he gave me permission to watch this one by myself.

 

It’s not surprising that straight guys don’t dig this film.  It’s a romance, after all, and therefore clearly a chick flick.  They could chill about the gay sex, though.  It’s not explicit, and in fact there are more hetero sex scenes than gay ones.  And Anne Hathaway gets naked.  What’s to complain about?

 

The real problem for guys is the fishing trips.  See,
Ennis’s wife confronts him with the fact that, after five years of
“fishing” trips with Jack, his gear still has price tags on it.  How
many men who regularly disappear for a weekend or a week to go
“fishing” cast a nervous sidelong glance at their wives during that scene?

 

Back when the rest of the world was talking about Brokeback, women everywhere engaged in a single topic of conversation: which gay cowboy is hotter?  Maybe it’s the germs talking, but I didn’t think much of either taciturn Ennis or simpering-puppy-eyes Jack. 

 

I prefer my dear husband, who rarely gives anyone soulful looks and who speaks in complete sentences, but alas, he’s not here.  He’s on a “business” trip. In Texas.  If he comes home wearing boots with heels, he’s in trouble.

 

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18 thoughts on “

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling so rotten.  Tigger emailed me that she has the flu.  She didn’t say anything about you!  At least being sick will give you plenty of time to keep up with the latest Hollywood tragedy. 

  2. Doesn’t that suck – being sick while your hubby is away!!!!  I can bet that if something is to go wrong – it will happen when hubby’s away – and I thought that was just me.. *sigh*

  3. Awwww… My doc told me in my second week of vi-rocity, “Press on.”Yeah, I’ll presson; I’ll press on yo’ face if you don’t hep me get RID of this sh-. Oops, no go. The man goes to my church and has seen Thing Two in the emergency room as a baby on several occassions with 104 fever. He’s a sweetie. Can’t dump on him. Plus, ain’t nothin’ to do for a virus ‘cept wear the thing out.Keep the faith. Snot can’t kill you. Starving kids may.

  4. (Usually when I’m home sick I watch the daytime talk shows, but once you’ve seen “My Baby Daddy Hooked Up With My Mama’s Boyfriend’s Hairdresser” once, you really don’t need a repeat.) What are you talking about? “My Baby Daddy Hooked Up With My Mama’s Boyfriend’s Haridresser” NEVER gets old. Take it from someone who spent their childhood watching Maury. [I’m kidding, except I really did spend my childhood watching Maury. No Barney for me! I don’t come from a trashy family, just from a household without cable where it seemed that Maury was ALWAYS on with parents who never monitored what I watched].I haven’t seen Brokeback Mountain yet, but I’ve been meaning to. And your thing about the fishing trips? So, so true.

  5. Hello new face to my xanga blog. Thanks for stopping in. I can tell you all the tags have been removed from all my fishing , hunting, camping gear.
    * smiles *
    Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  6. Did he take fishin tackle along?? RYC: Don’t ya just love ambiguous statements? I’ve got another one for ya. While writing next week’s gardening article, I came up with the following (the topic is rose prickles/thorns), pay particular attention to the second sentence: Deer are known to feed on roses, and I suspect the prickles prevents deer from eating the entire stem. Take a look at roses growing in the wild and you’ll see another reason (for roses having prickles) – roses use their prickles to latch on to other plants as they seek out more sunlight. Which is “seeking out more sunlight,” roses or other plants?

  7. I totally lost it over the last sentence. I was smiling over the permission to watch this movie alone. No surprise there but that last line had me cracking up. Are you going to put a note in his briefcase to see if he ever finds it? ha! ha!

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