THE LARRY AND FRED SHOW

 

There’s nothing I hate more than having to defend a dumb-ass anti-gay-rights republican who’s been skulking in airports looking for anonymous bathroom blowjobs on the down low.  But I just have to ask.

 

Can you seriously get arrested for tapping your foot in a public bathroom?  Or even for taking a stance so wide that you “bump” the occupant of the next stall?

 

It’s not that I have any doubt that Senator Craig was indeed soliciting sex.  It’s pretty difficult to take a stance that wide with your pants around your ankles.  You have to be motivated.

 

But in spite of his lewd intentions, no lewdness occurred.  There was not even a verbal indication of lewd interests.  Just tapping feet. 

 

Men solicit sex all the time.  “Hey baby…what has 128 teeth and can hold back a monster?  My zipper!”  If drunken straight men don’t get busted for that sort of thing, why does a not-gay yet gay senator get hauled in for foot tapping?

 

Along the same lines, do we seriously spend tax-payer dollars to have a cop sit on a toilet in an airport men’s room waiting for someone to come in and tap?  Doesn’t Minneapolis have murders or something to deal with?

 

Still, my favorite part of this tawdry tale is this: In 1998, Senator Craig refused to attend the State of the Union Address, calling President Clinton a “naughty, nasty boy.”  You are officially the pot now, Larry.

 

Speaking of lame republicans, Fred Thompson (ahem) elected not to do the hard work of debating his opponents, and instead had a visit with Jay Leno.  Meanwhile, he ran an ad (produced by someone else) on TV during the debate.

 

Go “pop” Fred.  You are officially the weasel. 

 

TR’s prediction: Thompson blows Romney right out of the race and edges McCain out for a second place finish.  Giuliani takes the nomination. 

 

 

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19 thoughts on “

  1. Oh, and if anyone taps or bumps me while I’m going pee, I’ll stomp their foot.  Honestly, the first thing I’d think is hankey pankey and I’m not a gay man.  Public bathrooms are so dirty, I’m going to think about a public men’s room every time I meet an openly gay man and think twice about shaking his hand.  I can’t help it now.

  2. I haven’t been following the story for exactly those reasons– it’s stupid. Thanks for boiling it down for me and reinforcing my original opinion!! And in such a clever way. You’re so right… was the cop SERIOUSLY just sitting there waiting to get solicited?And if that’s all it takes then I have a list of about 50 guys I’ve run into in bars that should be up for indictment and forced to quit their jobs.And when you said he referred to Clinton as a “naughty boy” the only thing I could think was “I bet he silently followed it with ‘and you need a spanking!'” hahahaha…

  3. I’m already bracing myself for Guiliani to get the nod, and predict a third party conservative candidate to give Clinton the win.  Clintons can’t seem to win without the third party stealing the right-leaning independent vote…
    RYC:  I doubt it’s viral marketing.  The foil is (ironically, I think) imported from Finland.  I suspect that “If you care” is a poor translation of some Finnish tradename that means “responsible”.

  4. I wouldn’t have much of a problem with Sen. Craig (since Lord knows every woman–and teen girl–has been hit on by every stripe of the male species), but:
    * Wasn’t that bathroom known as a “gay sex hookup joint”?
    * Craig was stupid enough to plead guilty.  It’s not like the police beat a confession out of him.  If it were me accused of soliciting sex in a “lesbian bathroom”, and I weren’t guilty, I’d never say I was.  Although it may be harder for me as an actual lesbian to prove it, the simple fact that public bathrooms are nasty as hell should go in my favor.
    * He was anti-gay and pro-family values.  You don’t crow about Clinton’s sexual digressions and then get caught in A! GAY! SEX! SCANDAL!!!111!!!
    Idiot.

  5. Oh–straight men often DO get arrested for the same thing, at least here.  There have been a good number of arrests of guys “hitting on” teenagers and the teenagers going to the police claiming the guy wanted to kidnap them.  Now, granted, I was a teen when LPs and cassette tapes roamed the earth (late 80s, early 90s), but I’ve been in those exact situations.  My parents’ advice: play crazy, look around for an exit strategy, and head for people while talking very loudly to yourself and/or slobbering. 
    Worked every time.

  6. If I never hear the phrase “wide stance” again, it’ll be too soon.  It just conjures up a very unwelcome image.
    I don’t know if Senator Craig would have been convicted… but if that airport bathroom has become a magnet for public sex, then I guess police are obligated to do something about it.  Nobody wants to have their child walk in on something like that.
    Besides, Craig ran his hand along the underside of the stall too.  That alone should be punishable by a good slap to the back of the head.
    As for Thompson… Considering how long we have until the next election, I don’t blame him for skipping all these preliminaries.  Why spend money and effort when he’s getting so much free buzz?  
    But if he keeps skipping debates now that he’s “officially” a candidate, I’ll revise my opinion accordingly.  But right now, I’m not willing to write Thompson off.
    I’m thinking McCain will run out of money long before the convention.
    If the election had been held in 2002, I’d have said Giuliani was a shoo-in.  Now I’m not so sure.  I think Romney would be a very strong GOP candidate, if the GOP would only nominate him.  But I don’t think they will, because a lot of Republicans (especially here in the South) won’t be able to get past his religion.

  7. Ditto the Larry Craig thing.  Except I feel sorry for him.  I hate to watch people get publicly humiliated.  (Can a person be privately humiliated?  Never mind.)  He seems even more pathetic now, with all this desperate insistence on keeping his job.  It’s over, dude.  Spare your wife and children.
    I was impatient with Fred Thompson while he was playing coy, but I also couldn’t blame him for not wanting to join the circus that is the Republican presidential candidate debate.  Ten guys on a stage, who can keep them all straight?  (There’s a Craig joke in there somewhere, but I’m too naive to know what it is.)

  8. If Rudy gets the nomination and somehow manages to steal the election (gasp!) … well, the thought makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
    I’m switching parties (temporarily) to vote for Ron Paul in the primaries.
    I’m sick to death of the slime.

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