Three days into this cursed illness and I have not improved. In fact, I have decompensated from death-warmed-over to death-scorched-on-a-dorm-sized-hot-plate-with-tape-around-the-bunny-chewed-cord.
My husband handed me the TV remote and said if he caught me watching soaps he would drag me to the hospital. So I’ve been watching John Stewart and Stephen Colbert on Comedy Central. How come they have new shows? What happened to the writers’ strike?
Sadly, the bulk of programming on Comedy Central is aimed at boys from 15-25 with no job, no girlfriend, and no brains. Watching the commercials for upcoming shows is so painful I finally turned to the Hallmark channel and watched The Waltons.
Things sure were Great back in the Depression. John Boy and the clan didn’t have much, but they had love for their family and for their neighbors, even, in today’s episode, chicken-thief Yancy, who steals birds from well-to-do Farmer Potter and hands them over to the hungry. I won’t tell you how it turns out, because you might be deathly ill and watching TV sometime.
I drew the line at Little House on the Prairie and switched to Will and Grace on the Lifetime channel. Well, it’s either that or go back to the world’s most depressing novel. Will any of those characters have a good outcome? Looks doubtful.
On this channel there’s a commercial for a show called How to Look Good Naked, in which the fruitiest gay guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy teaches pretty-but-chubby women to love themselves.
At this rate I might be better off with the soaps, in spite of Technogeek’s threats. Nah, Maury comes on soon.
UPDATE: Having now finished the world’s most depressing novel, I can tell you the answer is no, no, none of those characters had a good outcome. Oprah, what were you thinking?