PUNISHMENT FOR HUBRIS—SNAIL MAIL

 

[Inappropriate content deleted]

 

A few hours later I had to give up my self-conception as a person in good health, because I became ill with one of those spectrum viruses.  Cosmic joke?

 

That’s how I came to be sniffling and sneezing at home today, and reading my junk mail.

 

First I opened my Amazon reward certificate, earned by spending way too much money on my Amazon credit card.  25 bucks to blow on CDs!  Somebody recommend something, please.

 

Next I found a card good for a free panty from Victoria’s Secret.  But it’s one of the cheap cotton ones with an uncovered elastic band.  I hate those.  Sorry VS and your buxom, shiny models.   

 

A strangely threatening letter from my dentist followed.  It complains that I have not responded to their reminder cards to schedule an appointment for “dental treatments needed to help prevent progression of dental diseases.”  It continues “If we do not hear from you by one month from the date of this letter we will consider our service relationship discontinued and will put your records on inactive status.”  Jeez!  I just took my kids in there last week for their check-ups.  You’d think that would buy me some good will, even though I’m overdue for mine.  I don’t need this kind of pressure.

 

Finally, a brochure caught my attention.  The front reads, “Life’s too short to clean your own house.”  Ain’t that the truth!  Inside, a picture of two smiling women in matching blue shirts and aprons promise to make my house sparkle with their “Detail clean rotation system.”  In fact, I would love to have the Cleaning Authority come out and detail clean my house in a rotating manner.  But every time I’ve engaged cleaning help in the past they

  1. Don’t show up
  2. Do a lousy job, or
  3. Steal stuff

 

So I’m glaring at those smiling women suspiciously, wondering which fault will be theirs.  And into the recycle bin goes the brochure.

 

I’m now feeling paranoid and depressed, and therefore mentally ill.  Must be time to self-medicate.  Where’s my damn wine?

 

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21 thoughts on “PUNISHMENT FOR HUBRIS—SNAIL MAIL

  1. Can’t you just drill your own teeth?  Or get the housecleaner ladies to clean your teeth too.  Hmm that does seem like a bad idea in retrospect.  Hope you feel better.

  2. Youy got censored?  Content deleted?  Oh Xanga, how could you.  No dirty words just opionions.  What a way to treat your writers.  I will no longer work for you.

  3. I hate those threatening dentist letters.   Dude, I don’t have dental.  How about a discount then, if you’re so desperate to see me?  No?  I didn’t think so.Teeth are overrated anyway.  cc:  Leon Spinks

  4. Music recommendation.  Since you’re pretty hip and we have similar music tastes, you should check this CD out.  A lost classic if there ever was one.  If you loved that late-sixties sound, you’ll love this.

  5. OMG, they’re invaded MY language, too!This post is hilarious.  I spit my coffee on my stack of bills.  Oops.I have NEVER heard of a dentist that aggressive.  She/he must be hurting for patients and that’s the reasoning, unless your state has had lots of people sue dentists for not hauling them in every six months.  Here, it’s actually the patient’s responsibility to get themselves to the dentist. Imagine that.  I am responsible at the office (My husband’s an orthodontist) for chasing down patients who miss appointments.  We have a long list of folks I call once a week.  It’s usually the same 50 people.  You’d think someone with a mouthful of metal would remember their appointments.I so agree on the Merry Maids thing.  I tried them several times and the same thing happened. I wish you had a Louise.  Louise has been with me almost 20 years and she’s like my aunt.  As a matter of fact, that’s how I introduce her to other people. Of course they don’t believe me because she’s black, but we’ve got so much in common. She’s even in my WILL. I have also found the same thing out with Sears repairmen.  They cleaned out my husband’s tools several years ago.

  6. For real inappropriate content deleted? What on earth did you say??? Maybe you can leave it as a comment somewhere and direct everyone to that site…What a mean dentist!  And to imply your teeth were about to rot out of your head without his/her intervention!  Brushing and flossing daily will do more for you than any dentist (and avoiding sugary beverages – perhaps supplement all soda with wine?) so pooh on him/her.Sorry, no music recommendations here. I am sadly musically illiterate and will probably remain so to the rest of my days.Hope you’re feeling better soon! Do you want me to make you some coffee?

  7. YIKES on the dentist!  I’ve quit my dentist for much, much less than that.  A gentle admonishment about “more flossing,” and I never return.  I LOVE to self-medicate my paranoia, depression and general mental illness with wine.  Sadly, it makes me fall asleep and then get up with a headache the next morning.

  8. I don’t know what you said up at the top, but better safe than sorry.  Especially if your employer is involved. 
    What happens if your records become inactive?  Do they get flabby?

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