FELINE FIASCO

I don’t know about your house, but in my house, a mournful feline wail can only mean one thing: the cat’s about to barf.

 

When the cat produces his warning signal, all of the adults and some of the children in the house come running.  Not because we want to witness the birth of the Blessed Hairball, because we want to move the cat off the carpet.

 

This is a delicate procedure, fraught with peril.

 

If he’s close to the border between the carpet and an easier-to-clean surface like the vinyl kitchen floor, a swift swoop and shove will do the trick.  Too far into the carpeted area, though, you might find yourself clutching the cat and running for bare floor while the barf spews in a graceful arc across the room. 

 

Most perilous is the staircase.  An attempt to move the cat off the stairs too close to showtime results in barf liberally distributed amongst multiple steps and wedged into corners and crevices. 

 

Startling the about-to-barf cat is a bad idea too.  If you rush at him with excessive speed or a surfeit of exclamations or gesticulations, he will take off running, leaving a trail of barf from the starting place to the exact spot under the bed that you cannot reach.

 

Sometimes the best you can hope for is to hold him still so the barf is relatively contained.  Then you get out the Spot Bot.

 

 

This peculiar device has a robo-brush-cleaner-gizmo about 9 inches in diameter.  You set it on top of the carpet stain, turn it on, and walk away quickly while covering your ears.  Sucker is loud.

 

A few minutes later the hideous noise stops and the Spot Bot beeps to tell you it’s done.  Pick it up and voila!  A perfect round clean spot on the carpet.  Since the clean spot is cleaner than the rest of the carpet, the effect is somewhat like a crop circle.  It mystifies visitors.

 

That’s really all I had to say.  I am sorry y’all waited a whole week for a new post, and all I had to talk about was cat barf.  Sometimes life is like that.  In fact, lately my like has been like the carpet after the flying arc of cat barf lands on it.  It’s going to take a whole bunch of crop circles to make it clean again.

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11 thoughts on “FELINE FIASCO

  1. Oh wow – you describe it so well.  I am the mommy of 2 indoor cats………..and we have a lot of hardwood floors with rugs.  Guess where most of the barffing occurs……!!!!

  2. Spot bot?  I want one!  Will it take up a chocolate pudding stain that’s been on the arm of your couch for a year?  OK–I just went to the Amazon reviews of this product and it *will* clean up year-old pudding stains from your couch.  Funny, all the reviewers referred to the myriad clean circles they make, although no one called them “crop circles,” LOL.

  3. Stairs….bannister barf…..reminds me perhaps I should attempt to clean the crevices and flat places on our stair rails?  With or without barf, not a simple challenge.kitties use littler boxes, perhaps they’d learn to use hairball barf barrels?

  4. our spot bot died… from cleaning up after the cat and dog…. and ours walked out into the living room… stared at us…. and vomited up what i thought was a hair ball, but was actually a vole! grossed me out! 🙂 pets!!!!

  5. I’ve given up trying to move the cats off the carpet.  I’m just happy if nobody throws up on the furniture.  And I’ve never tried a Spot Bot… just low tech paper towels.Why do cats produce that warning signal anyway?  What’s in it for them? 

  6. See, my mother needs to read stuff like this, even though when she was young, her family had a cat.  A cat which somehow managed to jump on the kitchen table and run off with a chicken wing from Sunday dinner.  I’m sorry to offend you animal lovers (and I am one as well!), but when she said she delivered a swift kick to the rear of that cat, I couldn’t help but die laughing.So now, she wants a dog, which would change nothing except for the fact that it would be loyal, need to be walked, and still puke after it ate something it shouldn’t have.  I wonder if she’d want the dog as much if it got into our prized rubber tree (growing since 1978!) and killed it.  Hmmm…

  7. Your post made me laugh.  My cat not only throws up in inopportune places (rugs, bed, couch), she tends to do so at 3am.  If the drama happens to be unfolding on my bed, then I get to scramble, half-awake and blind, for anything to shield my duvet from the vomit.  Usually paper.  Occasionally important papers that I kind of wanted to keep.  Still, it may be easier than trying to move the cat!The Spotbot sounds like a worthwhile investment.  Thanks for the heads up.

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