I don’t know about your house, but in my house, a mournful feline wail can only mean one thing: the cat’s about to barf.
When the cat produces his warning signal, all of the adults and some of the children in the house come running. Not because we want to witness the birth of the Blessed Hairball, because we want to move the cat off the carpet.
This is a delicate procedure, fraught with peril.
If he’s close to the border between the carpet and an easier-to-clean surface like the vinyl kitchen floor, a swift swoop and shove will do the trick. Too far into the carpeted area, though, you might find yourself clutching the cat and running for bare floor while the barf spews in a graceful arc across the room.
Most perilous is the staircase. An attempt to move the cat off the stairs too close to showtime results in barf liberally distributed amongst multiple steps and wedged into corners and crevices.
Startling the about-to-barf cat is a bad idea too. If you rush at him with excessive speed or a surfeit of exclamations or gesticulations, he will take off running, leaving a trail of barf from the starting place to the exact spot under the bed that you cannot reach.
Sometimes the best you can hope for is to hold him still so the barf is relatively contained. Then you get out the Spot Bot.
This peculiar device has a robo-brush-cleaner-gizmo about 9 inches in diameter. You set it on top of the carpet stain, turn it on, and walk away quickly while covering your ears. Sucker is loud.
A few minutes later the hideous noise stops and the Spot Bot beeps to tell you it’s done. Pick it up and voila! A perfect round clean spot on the carpet. Since the clean spot is cleaner than the rest of the carpet, the effect is somewhat like a crop circle. It mystifies visitors.
That’s really all I had to say. I am sorry y’all waited a whole week for a new post, and all I had to talk about was cat barf. Sometimes life is like that. In fact, lately my like has been like the carpet after the flying arc of cat barf lands on it. It’s going to take a whole bunch of crop circles to make it clean again.