Ack! Just read that the Nestle Corp (aka RAMJAC) is recalling Lean Cuisine frozen chicken entrees, because they may be contaminated by bits of hard plastic. The recall includes this product, which I ate for lunch yesterday.
Note: the label says “no preservatives.” Nowhere does it claim to have “no contaminants.”
And I don’t even eat Lean Cuisines, usually. I buy them for my kids, who like to have hot food for lunch without eating Scary School Food. But neither one of them wanted this particular entree, and now I know why. It had plastic in it! Well, if one of us had to ingest a bunch of (probably toxic!) bits of plastic, I’m glad it was me and not one of them. That’s the kind of sacrifice we moms routinely make.
Remember when we were supposed to be boycotting Nestle because they used their marketing mojo to convince women in third world countries to feed their babies on Nestle formula instead of breastfeeding, and then babies got sick because they didn’t have any clean water to mix the powdered formula with? (I know, I should’ve said “with which to mix the powdered formula,” but I didn’t, so boycott me.) Now they will probably send all the recalled, plastic-infested Lean Cuisines to those countries instead, because that’s the kind of evil bastards they are. By reputation, anyway. I’ma throw away all the remaining Nestle Crunch bars in the kids’ Halloween candy stash. Ah, who am I kidding? I already ate them.
In other bad news, yesterday I got a self-addressed stamped envelope in the mail. Those of you who are writers will know what that means. For the rest of you, I’ll translate. It means there’s a letter inside that reads:
You suck. We are sorry we can’t tell you that you suck in a more personalized way, but we get so many submissions from authors who suck that we had to create this form letter to tell them so.
The Publisher you foolishly submitted your work to.
(We know, we should’ve said “to whom you foolishly submitted your work,” or even “to whom you submitted your work, foolishly,” but we didn’t, so boycott us. Hahahaha!)
But not to worry, readers! I will be submitting that manuscript, foolishly, to more publishers. Just as soon as I get out of the hospital after they remove the plastic from my intestines.