Dear Weather Gods,

Ok, I know it’s the holiday season and you are entitled to a little “cheer” like anyone else, but I think you’ve been hitting the grog a little too hard.  Day after day of sub-freezing temperatures plus our usual dose of precipitation has resulted in 8-10 inches of snow all over Seattle.  What, did you take off to visit Grandmama and forget to turn the snower off?  Don’t you know this city only owns three snow plows, and they are all driven by aging stoner hippies named Monty?

Dudes, does the word “temperate” mean nothing to any of you?

Yes, I know, I’m not supposed to be here whining at you about the weather.  I’m supposed to be in a Vegas casino swigging free well drinks and playing the slots.  But,

  1. It snowed in Vegas too
  2. Your failure to turn off the spigot shut SeaTac airport down, and
  3. We canceled the trip anyway, which I’m sure you knew, being omniscient and everything

It’s amazing to watch the bizarre things people here find it necessary to do when it snows.  The guy around the corner spent hours shoveling a path from his door down to the sidewalk and around to his driveway instead of just walking through the snow.  Another guy used a little scrub brush, the kind with a handle on the top like you might use to scrub the floor of your shower stall, if weather gods take showers, to remove every last flake of snow from his car.  You guys must be watching, mugs of grog in hand, laughing your asses off.

So this whole “vacation” has been a bust so far, except for my daily walk to Starbucks.  That’s what it’s come to. Please down some coffee, put on some clean clothes, and send back the 40-50 degrees and drizzling that we are all accustomed to.  The Monties would like to go home for Christmas.

Your friend (usually),


18 thoughts on “I AM NOT AMUSED

  1. Now you have had a taste of what I have all winter. This year it has been from before Thanksgiving, and I’m predicting that we will get some substantial snow in March. Not that there isn’t any inbetween!! Sorry no sympathy from the midwest.

  2. Here in balmy northern Ohio, we have had relatively little snow except for the far eastern snow belt which gets lake effect.   Ok….we’ve had a few cold days but that’s kinda expected.  Plenty of plows cruising around looking for a flake to fall so they can catch it before it hits the ground.  Well, gotta go…..it’s time to send another tribute to the Weather Gods.

  3. hhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!  monty……haaaaaaaaa..scrub brushes…i’m coming back fer a second read…priceless, stoners..monty..hahahahhaahahahahah , ohhh you quack me up…………………………….

  4. We have had relatively little snow (for us), but it is REALLY cold here.  1 below right now.  It got to 9 below last night.  It did get up to 12 above today, so that’s a hopeful sign.  Snow in places unaccustomed to snow brings out the, um, scary weirdness in some people.  Be careful out there! 

  5. next time i get a bunnie..it gonna be a lop…….so when i first glanced..not too well apparently, i thot you were commenting only abt las vegas weather..but reread and got to laff again..hhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…i used to live near there..well eureka cali..blue lake etc…and yes monty wood make a good snow plow guy…..just dont let him bring the bong in the truck………………………………..

  6. Trying to be sympathetic here. Trying to choke back a lot of global warming snarkiness. It is difficult, and dangerous, when the weather you’re used to bails out on you. It’s things like the weather we’re dealing with this week that keep more people from living here than would otherwise. Hang on, you know yours will melt…

  7. I just sent off my app for a job driving a snow plow in Seattle.   I fit all the criteria above.Also — here’s a helpful hint:  We only have a couple plows in the entire state of Kentucky, so when it snows, we all get our blow driers out to clear our driveways.  All one needs is a long extension cord!

  8. Did all the natives rush to the stores to stock up on milk and bread?  That’s the first thing they do here, as if their pantries will be bare after the one day of snow we get per year.

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