Dear David Letterman,
Along with the rest of the nation, I am grieving for your tribulations, in which some dirtbag attempted to blackmail you. Actually, I think you should’ve blackmailed him right back. “Ok, here’s your two million dollars for keeping quiet about my adultery. Now, if you don’t pay me four million, I’m going to tell everybody you blackmailed me, and blackmailing trumps adultery on the dirtbag scale.” Alternatively, Dave, you could try being a decent human instead of engaging in the very same behavior for which you regularly skewer others. Don’t we get enough of that from Republican politicians? So shut up already.
Dear Mackenzie Phillips,
I so didn’t want to know that. And no, your revelation will not entice me to buy your book. Shut up.
Dear President Obama,
So far, you are all hope and no change. Mostly you speechify. And you do talk pretty, but the election is over. The Repubs have done their part, working the faithful up into full-blown tantrums of screeching hysterics. They’ve gone all the way over the top and down the other side. Now they’re getting bored, tapping their fingers, waiting for you to implement that socialist agenda of yours. So implement already. Meanwhile, shut up. And Barack–don’t go on Letterman!
Dear Jon and/or Kate,
I feel sorry for your children. Shut up.
Dear Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and other right-wing a%^*&^%s who cheered when the US lost its bid to host the 2016 Olympics, just because, in your opinion, it made Obama look bad,
You have no redeeming value whatsoever. Jon and Kate deserve more respect, attention, and devotion than all of you put together, and they deserve very little indeed. Shut up, shut up, shut up.