You may have noticed that I only communicate with you in writing. Ok, yes, that’s because blogging is a written medium, except when it’s vlogging or some other means of demanding that people who have never met you become informed about the contents of your psyche. But it’s also because I don’t talk so good. If you were all here where I could see you, not only would I not deliver the amusing and sardonic commentary you come here for, I would lock myself in the bathroom, escape through the window, and hightail it to an undisclosed location.
If there’s a topic on which I am unqualified to instruct others, it’s public speaking. So naturally, since the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a wicked sense of humor, I have to instruct middle school students on the art of speaking, publicly and persuasively. Since the FSM is also kind and merciful, I have to provide instructions in written form. If I had to publicly and persuasively speak to the art of persuasive public speech, I would right now be holed up in a cave with Dick Cheney.
It’s all about the book I’m working on. My original manuscript dealt with persuasive writing. It deals with speech only in terms of writing the speech. But a written speech, unspoken, is of little use. Even I can see that. My editor wants spoken speech. In writing. She also wants other forms of persuasion. Like what? Good question. I’ve been brainstorming for days. Read that: trying to think of ways in which we use persuasion that are not just writing, while drinking a lot of coffee and fooling around on the internet.
Help me, Xanga friends. Tell me what you know about persuasive public speaking. Tell me all the ways in which you use your skills of persuasion to get what you want. (Keep it clean; I’m writing for middle school kids.) The Flying Spaghetti Monster will surely reward your efforts.