A Slice of Pi


Well, here it is, Christmasolstikwanzaakah again.  Life is confusing for a Jewish atheist in a Christian-dominated country in December, that’s all I’m saying.  This year, I’m trying to have a sense of humor about the inescapable holidays and celebrate all of them with good cheer, where cheer = Bailey’s Irish Cream. 


So far, I’ve purchased gifts for my children, one for each night of Chanukah (which begins this evening at sundown), lovingly wrapped them, and placed them under the Christmas tree.  We picked the tree up on Sunday and the kids decorated it yesterday, after several false starts in which they put the lights on wrong and we undid it and then I put the lights on wrong and then we undid it and then my husband, the sole member of the family with anything resembling a Christian background and therefore Christmas tree experience, put the lights on right.  We have lots of ornaments because…why DO we have so many ornaments?  I am at a loss to explain this, but there it is. 


So there’s a tree with Chanukah presents under it and the lights can be plugged in when the bunny is in his cage.  When he’s out hopping around the lights must be unplugged because those wires just look so tasty to him.  I guess rabbits are atheists, too. 


Over the weekend we went to a Christmas caroling party, as we do every year.  I always go out and sing all of the songs, even the Jesus-y ones, because it’s fun.  I sing quietly, not because the songs are Jesus-y but because I can’t actually carry a tune, and I don’t think belting out a Jesus-y song off-key would count as making a joyful noise unto the lord.  To all the people who stood on their front porches to listen and couldn’t hear me—you’re welcome. 


At one house, where there were lights on inside and Christmas decorations outside, we rang the bell expecting to be greeted by a happy carol-listener.  To our surprise, the homeowner opened the door, looked at the crowd in street beginning to sing “Deck the halls” or whatever, and slammed the door shut.  That was weird.


Later, we were headed back to the party house when a guy in a car marked “security” drove up and asked if there was something he could do for us, like we were a roving band of nogoodniks out looking for trouble.  Since the average age of our caroling crew was somewhere around the mid-fifties and we were all carrying songbooks and jingle bells, I didn’t think we looked all that alarming, but you can’t be too careful these days.


What I really wanted to tell you was how my eleven-year-old entertained herself at the boring grown-up Christmas party after the caroling was over, but I’ve run out of blogging time and must get on with earning my daily pittance.  So you still have that to look forward to.  Cheers, Xanga friends.  You know what I mean.




17 thoughts on “A Slice of Pi

  1. That guy who slammed his door reminds me of the absolute best scene from Gremlins, when the gremlins serenade the old grinchy guy.So have you lit your Holiday Menorah while you sit by your Holiday Tree singing Holiday Carols? Sometimes political correctness cracks me up.Blessings to you and your family.

  2. @distractedbyzombies – Oh no, we’ve had trees before.  But I generally have as little to do with the tree as possible.  Actually, I would prefer to call it a “Solstice tree,” but that hasn’t caught on, even in my house.  Now that I think about it, there are not nearly enough Pagan rituals in our holiday mix.

  3. You’re doing better than I. I don’t celebrate any holidays so the whole thing looks a bit silly most of the time to me. I dig some of the better parts of the season, but mostly, I find driving is more dangerous. People are meaner in the grocery store. Bored young people stand around and ring annoying bells in front of many of the places I want/need to shop. Pretty lights on neighbors’ houses – very nice.  Giant Christmas Scooby Doo… just confusing. I hope you all have a good time through the season

  4. Ah, how I love Bailey’s Irish Cream!  I gained about thirty pounds on Bailey’s at an earlier time in my life.  I’m sure the enchiladas and margaritas didn’t help but I blame the Bailey’s.  Sadly I’m forced to endure this season stone cold sober because I’m still sick sick sick.  Bummer. On the bright side I don’t think I’ll be gaining any holiday weight.  We have a strong and nearly universal Christian tradition on all sides of my family so my confusion is limited to denominational, which is actually pretty small and unimportant (have to do Christmas Eve Mass, this year, for instance).  But family drama is always at an all-time high. Close friend of ours (was in our wedding) came and spent the night last night and we had a lot of laughs talking about the new half-sister he just learned he has. Ah, drama. Good stuff.

  5. I may be your only devoted reader who only ever hears about Xmas, if at all, on the back of the newspaper, it’s usually the 27th or so, right?And actually, we make a lot less of Hanukhah than the US also. Couple candles in the windows of houses, maybe an automated display in the town square, nothing monumental. The musical power of the carols, though, that I can’t deny. ‘Whey in a manger’ , that’s liquid delight, and speaking of which:So jealous of $10 Irish Creme. Bailey’s here pulled ‘protectzia’ strings and outlawed all the cheap competitors, then forthwith raised the price to 230 shekels a bottle ($50). Thinking of making my own with rubbing alcohol and Nestle’s Quick. One batch might last me the rest of my life. Hag Sameach. 

  6. But I didn’t even mention that Pi, once rationed, is now available but irrational, and no one is ever happy here with his fraction no matter how you slice it. Guess it’s like one partridge in a pair of trees. Kinda. 

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