The good news: I made a list! I took out my steno pad and listed all of the tasks, big and small, that I should’ve done already but couldn’t because they weren’t on a list.
The bad news: The list is eight miles long and I have crossed off not one single thing yet. It turns out making the list does not cause the things to be done in and of itself. Damn it.
So hey, it’s Passover. Since I am a heritage-based Pastafarian Jew, I will naturally be celebrating Passover by cooking up some Asian stir-fry noodles with chicken and broccoli. I will eat it whilst reclining and chanting the four questions in Hebrew. I have to chant them in Hebrew because that’s how I learned them in Sunday school at age 9, circa 1974. I can’t do it in English.
Speaking of the haggadah, here is a book recommendation for you. People of the Book, by Geraldine Brooks, is a historical mystery of sorts, in which a 500-year-old illuminated haggadah has been held and kept safe by disparate protectors who value its beauty and meaning. Their stories are intertwined with the modern tale of a book conservationist charged with restoring the volume and learning some of its history. It’s all kinds of nerdy intellectual and you will eat it up if you like that sort of thing.
Meanwhile, drink some bad wine, eat some giant, tasteless crackers, and practice your sea-parting skills in the bathtub. If you decide to wander in the desert for forty years, take plenty of water. Better yet, take a GPS gadget. Use it to find a Trader Joe’s and get some better tasting stuff for dinner. Shalom.