Sometimes I wish I were Catholic, because I love the concept of Patron Saints. I love that there’s someone specifically assigned to the task of looking after certain classes of people. It’s efficient. God delegates. And there are so many of them.

So I went to to find myself a Saint. You know, to keep me out of trouble until I find a therapist. There’s a lengthy alphabetical list.

First I looked for the Patron Saint of Divorced Women. Sadly, there isn’t one of those, though there is a Saint assigned to Difficult Marriages (St. Rita of Cascia). Ok, Catholics aren’t big fans of divorce, I understand. Next I searched for the Patron Saint of Women. No luck. But there are two Saints for Widows (St. Frances of Rome and St. Paula) and also several for Women in Labor (Sts. Ann and Joachim and St. Elmo). Huh. There’s a trend here.

I clicked on M, randomly, and found that there are Saints for Married Women (St. Monica) and Mothers (also Monica, as one follows the other, I suppose). Clicking on S, however, did not yield a Saint for Single Ladies.

I did get a little satisfaction on the E page, as there’s a Patron Saint of Editors (St. John Bosco). Finally someone will understand how I feel about the Oxford comma! To my surprise, there’s also a Patron Saint of the Internet (St. Isidore of Seville), who must be very busy and probably has a wicked porn addiction.

Sadly, after perusing the entire list, I failed to find a Saint I felt I could claim as my own. No Patron Saint of Jodi or of Middle-Aged Grant Writers or of People Who Are Sixty-Five Inches Tall.

I think I shall invent one, as I’m not Catholic anyway, and I have no one else to look after me. Considering the possibilities.






18 thoughts on “Saints

  1. You could try Saint Brigid. When her brother insisted that she was going to marry, she plucked out her own eye. She also protects from fire, so that is an extra bonus. And one time she took care of a ‘fallen’ nun by making her pregnancy disappear without death or pain, and restoring her to the proper path. As a Catholic kid, I was given to understand that Brigid was looking out for the ladies.

    But Mary is the default fallback if you are a woman and need someone intervening with God for you.

      • I like Mary Magdalene. I’d kind of want my patron saint to be her…. except for that she is the patron saint of penitents and helper of prostitutes, so as awesome as I think she is her calling doesn’t really jive with what I’d look for in a patron saint 🙂 I wish Hildegard would be canonized.

  2. btw, how did you get your title to contain Caps with spaces between words? I’m trying to create another wp site, but it says, “only lowercase letters and numbers,” no spaces. ?

  3. In the Japanese Buddhist tradition, Benzaiten is the goddess of everything that flows: water, words, speech, eloquence, music, and by extension, knowledge.

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