THE SECRET TO A LONG LIFE

Like many of you, I’ve often wondered, what is the secret to a long life?  So I googled it.  Seems a variety of theories have been developed.

 

The New York Times reports that the longer you stay in school, the better your health and the longer your life.  Which sounds like just the excuse I’ve been looking for to go back to grad school and resume my coffee-shop-hanging days.  Oh wait…

 

According to the Sydney Morning Herald, people who exact revenge fare better than those that grin and bear it.  So watch what y’all say to me, yo.

 

The Seattle Times discussed 110 year old Eva Fridell.  Her secret: Crown Royal whiskey.  I prefer wine, but I’m sure it works just as well.

 

USA Today spoke to four people in their 100’s.  The first attributed her longevity to “faith and kosher food.”  Number two said “The Lord keeps me, my dear, I don’t keep myself.”  A spry 102-year-old said he enjoys “reading, telling jokes, and singing Jewish songs.”  And the fourth centenarian volunteers at a hospital once a week and follows baseball.  The story didn’t actually say that Jews live longer, but the implications are clear.

 

Dr. Roy Walford advocates extreme calorie restriction to lengthen one’s life.  It might work, but at the cost of 150 years sans chocolate.  So. Not. Worth it.

 

National Geographic looked at 200 centenarians—Jews again!—and found that very old people had exceptionally large lipoprotein molecules.  Hmm, not much lifestyle help there.

 

One hundred year old Edward Rondthaler credits his long and healthy life to clean living, good genes, and regular cold showers.  Not sure what that says about the quality of his life.

 

When it comes right down to it, I think Michelle Shocked said it best:


The secret to a long life
Is knowing  when it’s time to go

 

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